Philippine Island Times Adventures of an American expat in the Philippines

August 24, 2009

Porkchops BID

Filed under: Cebu — Donald @ 12:01 pm

“Chong Hua”, I said to the driver.

“Jaguar?”, he replied.

It was 7:00 a.m., I was trying to get to the hospital, and he was ready to take me to an expensive strip joint.

Since I haven’t been feeling well the past few weeks it seemed like a good time to get a physical. I’d been planning one anyway, just so a doc here would have records on me. Chong Hua has the best reputation in the region and offers “executive checkup” packages at reasonable prices. I wasn’t too sure about the treadmill stress test, since I’d been completely inactive for the past month and one of my ankles isn’t so flexible anymore, but the only problem came in the 11th minute, when my heart rate still wasn’t as high as for some reason they thought it should be. The lady doc and nurse tried to move things along by getting me to talk about marriage. They were more than a little surprised when doing that made my pulse slow noticeably. A few minutes at higher speed and incline did the trick. Newton up, Cupid down.

The Doppler Echocardiogram above proves definitively that I do have a heart, though. As I understand it, the colored spots even indicate a flicker of life. Prognosis: unknown.

Two days of searching found only that my blood counts are all low, presumably due to the virus that gave me a fever last month. The Filipino doctor didn’t seem concerned, suggesting only that I rest, drink plenty of fluids, and maybe add a multiple vitamin with iron. Oh, and eat more meat. What a country.


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